1) Before visiting the House it may be wise to leave details of your 
planned visit with friends or relations.  Putting your worldly affairs 
in order is, in most cases, wholly unnecessary.

2) Should you become separated from your group in one of the areas 
marked in red on your map, do not cry out.  Drawing attention to your 
location is ill-advised.  Simply wait, a member of the cleaning staff 
will no doubt discover you in due course.  This would be a good time to 
eat your packed lunch, perhaps while pondering your life's regrets up 
to this point.

3) Reciting bawdy limericks based on the rhyming potential of the 
Rudyard-Gluck wristwatch is to be discouraged.

4) Following an unfortunate series of incidents last summer, the 
Weisshaupt Room has now been permanently removed from the public tour.  
Kindly ignore any voices which may seem to emanate from beyond the 
boarded up door, no matter how desperate their pleading.

5) Some of the more predatory pieces are fenced off by rope.  This is
for your peace of mind.  Should a member of your party negotiate the
fence and approach one of the aforementioned clocks, do not be
alarmed.  Simply alert the nearest member of staff in a calm fashion
and they will be more than happy to assist in removing the body.

6) A few exhibits feature mechanisms with particularly undesirable 
ambient side-effects.  At all times do your utmost to curb any 
unfamiliar murderous impulses.

7) The House will not be held responsible for any genealogical 
devastation caused by a lack of care and attention while viewing the 
collections in the east wing.

8) Should any of the clocks seem to whisper to you in the voice of a 
departed loved one, extricate yourself from the conversation at once.  
Politely refuse all requests for blood.

9) In the event of you or your party suffering a significant loss (e.g. 
your wallet, your "soul", a spouse, two children older than thirteen, 
three toddlers, or more than four limbs), the House will be willing to 
provide a full refund and a complimentary muffin.

10) Contrary to rumours, there is no sixth floor.  Any and all sounds 
you may hear from above are simply the result of an intriguing yet 
illusory aural affect.  This includes both the chimes and the 
intermittent weeping.